so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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