its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
