I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
