my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
