ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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