Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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