We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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