He passed out mid-signature
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
