Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
