saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
