So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
