i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
