My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
