I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
