ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
