she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
