I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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