I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
