"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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