the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
