Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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