At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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