she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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