Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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