I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
