I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
