Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
