So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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