My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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