the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
