This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
