i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
