Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
