I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize