There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
