Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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