well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize