I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize