farters have to be the big spoon...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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