just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
