he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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