I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
