haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
