Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
