nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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