He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
