No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
