i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
