Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
