Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
