What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
