My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
