Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
