I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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