You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she told me i tasted like america
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
