First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
