I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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