i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
