Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
