that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize