Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
