you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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