Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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