Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize