I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
