I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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