is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
