I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
